Saturday, October 30, 2004
Death is something that has eluded me for the longest time. After all, aside from my paternal grandfather who passed away back when I was too young to even remember, we have had zero deaths in the family. We have always been mere guests at the wakes and funerals we have attended.
That is, until May of this year.
My father passed away just last May. It feels wierd writing it down for the first time... it's like finally accepting it after five months. In some ways, it seems like only yesterday when I was writing down my eulogy for him, and in other ways, it all feels like a very distant, hazy memory. It is actually refreshing to even think about it without bursting into tears and having the usual heavy feeling at the pit of my stomach.
***
About two weeks ago during our training, we had someone talk about death, or more specifically, near-death experiences. Its significance to the whole training program, I am still trying to figure out, but that particular session hit me hard. The speaker mentioned that just before death, all pain is lifted from the body, and that they seem to float inside a tunnel towards a white light. Some souls choose to go back, but some just keep on going into the light. I am not exactly superstitious, and the entire near-death experience concept is actually crap to me, but that particular piece of information was somewhat comforting. One thing that has haunted me about my father's death is the thought of how much he must have suffered before going flatlined, and all of this happening without me there to even just hold his hand.
***
This is the first All Soul's Day that we actually have dead family to go visit, and his gravesite is at the other end of the archipelago. While everyone else will be hung-over and having post Holloween party headaches, I will be spending it with what is left of my family.
I miss him, but I am happy that he is in a much better place. God bless his soul.
About the Author
I have quit trying to figure out the inner workings of God's mind. I have learned to just sit back and enjoy the ride.
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